Confessions of a Hope Addict

All I can say is that I am a hope addict. I have faith and belief that is positive and solution focused. This doesn’t mean that life is fair, always fun, and without stress or conflict. It does mean that I believe it will get better. I believe the next moment things can change. 

The Martin's

Kim and Randy Martin

The picture to the right is of my wife, Kim, and I. She is a fellow hope addict and we are in a small group to help us with our issues.  We sincerely know that hope is a real and actionable. Kim and I have hope for the foster youth and former foster youth we serve, for the downtrodden, for the ill, for the mentally ill, for the lost soul, and for any people group you can imagine. We have this hope because we were once hopeless. 

The Back Story

Sometime around 1994, the wheels began to come off our perfect little family life. I was being stupid, she was not but played a part in our troubles nonetheless. Inevitably, we began to drift away from each other. Thoughts filled my head of my two kids having meals with some jack wagon and me alone backpacking who knows where.

Prior to this, I had been studying religion with fervor. I was looking for answers to the quintessential life questions like “Why am I here?” and “What is life all about?”. I studied everything from eastern religion and philosophy to Native American religion. I studied the major religions of Islam, Judaism and Christianity. My study led to the practice of meditation, fasting, abstinence, yoga, Tai Chi, and the Way of the Peaceful Warrior. I was a junkie for knowledge and on a massive search for the truth about life. Little did I know the first steps to finding this would be at a Grateful Dead Show in Oakland, California.

My search was due to an inquisitive nature and the nagging in my soul that there were answers I desired to questions I didn’t know I needed to ask. At this point in life, I was having a fairly successful existence according to the standards of North American society. I had the beautiful wife, a college degree, a loving family, a successful college athletic career, two children (a first-born boy and a girl), a house, dogs and cats, a great job with purpose, and great friends. But something was missing. I had a hole in my soul.

The Loss of Hope

Right about the time I thought I had it all figured out I was hit with the fact that I didn’t. Kim let me know it was time to go. She may have hinted to that before but this time it was real. I officially lost all hope. It was the worst moment in my life. I was hopeless.

As I laid on our bedroom floor and wept, I heard footsteps creaking across our old wood floor. I really thought it was Kim coming to kick me or stab me! Instead, she reached out her hand and placed in on my body and simply said, “It’s going to be alright. Everything is going to be alright.” I was broken and she knew it. This began my journey of hope. When I had none, Kim did. She had a belief that things could get better. In all my searching and learning I missed hope. Sure, there were great life lessons and wonderful wisdom from ancient writings and sacred texts. Still, something was missing. It was a person to extend hope and lend me theirs until I found mine.

To learn more about what we do go to some of our social media links:




Covenant Community Services Youtube (bike races, trainings, messages for foster youth)

More to come …

Leave a Comment